She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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