Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
is this the sara with the beer cane?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
