so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
