how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize