Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
