I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
