He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
