whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
