ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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