yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
