Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
