Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
