i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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