if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize