I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
My butt remains clenched, sir.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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