The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
