Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
