uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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