We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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