Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
