just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
