Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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