Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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