I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
