It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
