Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
