His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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