tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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