finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
