They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
