the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
