he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i drank out of a bidet.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
