cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
