call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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