Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
