Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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