i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
