Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize