Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Shame - the story of my life.
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