i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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