Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize