is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
