I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize