My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
