what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize