I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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