So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
