she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Everything about him screamed your future.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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