You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
