I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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