I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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