hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
