so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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