Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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