some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
