And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
