You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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