Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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