i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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