i wish my penis had a tongue
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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