A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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