So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
